Borderlines and Romantic Relationships

It is no coincidence that we borderlines who seek a healthy love relationship more often find it when we are least desperate for one and more engaged in self fulfilling acivities.

It is at this point that we are more attractive to others and less pressured to grasp at immediate unrealistic solutions to loneliness.

We frequently involve hourselves in predicaments in which we become a victim.

We prerceive ourselves as a helpless character upon whom others act.

We frequently are unaware that our behavior is provocative or dangerous,

or that it may in some way invite persecution.

The woman who continually chooses men who abuse her is typically unaware of the patterns she is repeating.

Our split view of ourselves includes a special,

entitled part and an angry,

unworthy part that masochistically deserves puishment,

although we may not be consciously aware of one side or the other.

In fact,

a pattern of this type of invited victimization is often a solid iindication of BPD pathology.

Although being a victim is most unpleasant,

it can also be a very appealing role.

A helpless waif,

buffeted by the turbulent seas of an unfair world,

is very attractive to some people.

A match between the helpless waif and one who feels a strong need to rescue and take care of others satisfies needs for both parties.

We find a kind stranger who promises complete and total protection.

And the partner fulfills his own desire to feel strong,

protective,

important,

and needed-

to be the one to take us away from all this.

We find it difficult to tolerate ‘in between’ relationships,

Where our love interest just wants to be ‘friends’.

We often try to sabotage relationships,

constantly testing loyalty and commitment.

Our significant others need to understand our background and recognize that trust can not realistically be established except over long periods of time.

Not everyone is willing to wait,

but the right person will be.

#BPD