The Pain of the Borderline

Some of the most difficult aspects of having BPD is the emptiness,

loneliness,

and intensity of emotions we have.

Our extreme behaviors keep us confused.

At times we don't know what we are feeling or who we are.

The experience of physical pain can be an important part of our existence.

Often,

however,

the pain is not strong enough,

in which case frustration compels us to accelerate attempts to induce pain.

Self damaging behavior for us sometimes serves as an expiation for sin.

Unwilling to play the hand that is dealt us,

we keep folding every time,

losing the ante,

waiting to be dealt four aces.

Our fear of change involves a basic distrust or our "brakes".

In healthier people psychic brakes allow a gradual descent from the pinnacle of a mood or behavior to a gentle stop in the 'gray zone' of the incline.

Afraid that our set of brakes won't hold,

we believe that we won't be able to stop,

that we will slide our of control to the bottom of the hill.

For us,

psychological change requires resisting unproductive automatic reflexes and consciously and willfully choosing other alternatives-

choices that are different,

even opposite,

from the automatic reflex-

sometimes these new ways of behaving are frightening,

buy they hopefully are more efficient ways of coping.

#BPD