The Borderline's Childhood

"I have a terror of her [mother] knowing anything about my feelings,

or convictions,

or way of life.

If she knew,

they would be damaged;

violated;

no longer mine."

- T. E. Lawrence

Many of us Borderlines have an absent or psychologically disturbed father.

If our relationship with our mother is supportive and comforting,

our reaction to strangers when we are infants is curiosity.

If it is unsupportive,

anxiety is more prominent;

we begin to separate positive and negative emotions toward other people,

relying on splitting to cope with conflicting emotions.

While we as a young child try to elicit approval and admiration from our parents by molding our identity to emulate caregivers,

we as adolescents try to emulate peers or adopt behaviors that are consciously different-

even opposite-

from those of our parents.

As children our behaviors are based less on independently determined internal needs than on reacting to the significant people in the immediate environment.

BEHAVIOR BECOMES A QUEST TO DISCOVER IDENTITY RATHER THAN TO REINFORCE AN ESTABLISHED ONE.

#BPD